Thursday, 14 October 2010

The Rest is Noise - 442 Brixton Road, SW9

Going out for a pub lunch on a Sunday is one of those holy things that for me replaced going to Church a long time ago. You don’t do it every week but sometimes you just have to drag yourself out of bed and get out there.

The rules in my head are simple; you should always be hung-over, it should always be a roast and you should always have a paper. With this in mind we headed over to Brixton to meet the Producer who is now newly returned from Scotland.

The Rest is Noise is two minutes from Brixton Underground and walking in you are immediately hit by how trendy the place wants to be... Ornaments glued to the ceiling, graffiti art on the walls and kooky mismatched shit scattered about the place.

Going to the bar you are met by a wall of bric-a-brac and broken cameras, quite distracting in my slightly tender state but at least the barman was bright and friendly.

Bring on the roasted beasts... The three options on a Sunday are Half Roast Chicken, Roast Beef and Roast Loin of Pork. Fairly standard pricing from £7.50 onwards or two for £15.00.

I ask if there is any crackling with the Roast Pork... There is none. In honesty I’m not a happy man but I go ahead and order the pork thinking of the lovely fat I’ll be getting anyway. The Lady and the Producer go for the beef.

Sitting down we read the papers and chat, I take in the clientele. It’s an odd mix of trendies, 30 something’s and old men sitting on their own. Slightly confusing but we carry on drinking. I’m not really sure how long we had to wait for our food but I would hazard it could be considered too long.

The Beefs come out, the meat looks overcooked and the mammoth selection of vegetables could be considered excessive. Roast and Mashed Potatoes; Chanteray Carrots which hadn’t been scrubbed properly; Knackered Broccoli; Courgettes and bizarrely Baby Sweet corn. Now you might as well shit on my plate as I can’t stand baby fucking sweet corn...

The waiter explains my Pork will be a minute. 30 of them later when the Lady and the Producer have nearly finished the pork makes an appearance. By the look on the bar man’s face he knows this is not what you could call a good thing and apologises profusely before giving me my money back.

I’m really pleased that the guy knew there was a problem and took the appropriate steps to sort it out straight away and he should be commended for that.

The kitchen on the other hand doesn’t really deserve any commendation. The pork was watery, it had none of the joys of proper roast meat. The fat and skin were absent so there were no sticky, juicy or crunchy bits which make a proper roast.

The same sad selection of vegetables adorned the plate as well but at least the Yorkshire was a good representation of the Pudding. It was well risen and crispy, perfectly placed to mop up the gravy. The mash and roasties were pretty good as well.

The food overall in short was shit. The service though is good despite the fact the guys looked under pressure. I don’t know whether the kitchen was having a wobbler that day which may have put things out of kilter.

I always like to look at the positives and I would definitely come back for a drink here. The decor looks like it was put together by a set designer from the Hollyoaks school of crap but it’s fun, comfortable and it’s a good place to chill out and have a pint in...
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  1. Yikes. That's no good at all; I rarely order roasts in pubs as usually I'm disappointed but that's next level crapness.

    Get yourself down to The Albert in New Cross - their food is great and it's on the east london line. They have board games too.

  2. I'll have to check it out, sadly of all the lines the East London one is my fave and not been South on it yet! :^D

  3. This pretty much mimics how every single trip to The Rest is Noise has gone for me too.

    Once was more than enough with the roasts, thanks to the tsunami of Bisto on the plate, but as long as I avoid the food, I like the bar. (Which is just as well as it's the closest place to my house to get a drink without being being scared shitless...)

  4. Sunday roasts seem to be the most common thing for pubs to get completely wrong, I'm not sure why as its the easiest meal of the week for us. I'm totally with you on the sweetcorn thing it has no place whatsoever on a Sunday roast.
    Our roast are lurvely BTW.